Good news: Burger King just solved the climate change problem

Friends, are you suffering from anxiety caused by the major problem of today: climate change?  Well, your troubles are now over as the climate will stop changing thanks to Burger King's concern over amount of methane gas its cows emit.  (There are cruder terms using simpler words for this process, but hey, we're wholesome.)  

Discovering that merely adding a bit of lemongrass to their diet reduces  cow methane gas production, concerned Burger King executives altered the herds' diet, introducing their Reduced Methane Emissions Beef Whopper in select restaurants yesterday.  This special Whopper will soon be available at a Burger King near you, promise the green executives.

The chain has rebalanced the diet of some of the cows by adding lemon grass in a bid to limit bovines contributions to climate change.  By tweaking their diet, Burger King said Tuesday that it believes it can reduce a cows' daily methane emissions by about 33%.

Cows emit methane as a by-product of their digestion, and that has become a potential public relations hurdle for major burger chains.

Greenhouse gas emissions from the agriculture sector made up 9.9% of total U.S. greenhouse gas emissions in 2018, according to the Environmental Protection Agency.  Of that amount, methane emissions from livestock (called enteric fermentation) comprised more than a quarter of the emissions from the agriculture sector.

Yeah, the air smells fresher already, meaning that the climate has slowly stopped changing, so most of my worries will soon be gone.

Yours, too?

Now, don't you feel better already?

Friends, are you suffering from anxiety caused by the major problem of today: climate change?  Well, your troubles are now over as the climate will stop changing thanks to Burger King's concern over amount of methane gas its cows emit.  (There are cruder terms using simpler words for this process, but hey, we're wholesome.)  

Discovering that merely adding a bit of lemongrass to their diet reduces  cow methane gas production, concerned Burger King executives altered the herds' diet, introducing their Reduced Methane Emissions Beef Whopper in select restaurants yesterday.  This special Whopper will soon be available at a Burger King near you, promise the green executives.

The chain has rebalanced the diet of some of the cows by adding lemon grass in a bid to limit bovines contributions to climate change.  By tweaking their diet, Burger King said Tuesday that it believes it can reduce a cows' daily methane emissions by about 33%.

Cows emit methane as a by-product of their digestion, and that has become a potential public relations hurdle for major burger chains.

Greenhouse gas emissions from the agriculture sector made up 9.9% of total U.S. greenhouse gas emissions in 2018, according to the Environmental Protection Agency.  Of that amount, methane emissions from livestock (called enteric fermentation) comprised more than a quarter of the emissions from the agriculture sector.

Yeah, the air smells fresher already, meaning that the climate has slowly stopped changing, so most of my worries will soon be gone.

Yours, too?

Now, don't you feel better already?